Friday, August 29, 2008

When Someone Close to You Changes

How do you react when someone close to you exhibits signs of change? Does it frighten or anger you? Are you attached to things being the way they are right now?

Sometimes even when we don't like the way things are, we still feel some sense of security in the 'known', and thus we react with fear and hostility when we sense something is changing around us. When someone close to us begins to consciously change, we can feel threatened, and it brings out some deep insecurities we may not be aware we even hold.

A classic example of this would be when one spouse in a relationship begins to take care of their health by quitting smoking, or exercising...and in the other spouse wells up masses of emotion that gets disguised by ridiculing, or even anger. What's really going on under there? Insecurity about the other beginning to look and feel better, and perhaps leaving because they can no longer put up with your lazy self? Our imaginations can reach funny, irrational conclusions when fueled by fear and insecurity.

Take heart: there's GOLD in them thar hills. In circumstances such as these lie huge opportunities to make some personal changes - to examine our beliefs and fears, and thus change them.

We cannot change what we are unaware of. It is only when fear, resentment, bitterness, impatience etc. rear their heads that we can see they exist in us, and do something about it.

For example, in the case of the health scenario given above, for the spouse who was lashing out, making cutting remarks, teasing or otherwise belittling their partner, another option would be to look inside and see where all this bitterness and disrespect is coming from...and I can guarantee you there lies a fear underneath it. By looking for it, this person would already be 100 steps ahead of someone who doesn't, and who would carry on being destructive - maybe even to the point of damaging or ending the relationship, and likely 'blaming' it on the other person.

Only when we discover what fears lie beneath our actions, can we change our actions. And why would we want to change our actions?...because unless and until we do, our lives won't change.

Now there's motivation!

Article by - Shauna Arthurs is a writer├é  and founder of a network of web-based help sites, including Breathing Prosperity

[print_link] For graphic/photo/image credits.

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